The Lighter Side of Online Auctions
In this section (presented with tongue firmly in cheek 
) I will try and decipher and decode the mysteries of terminology used to describe items up for sale. This information may be of help to the newbie online auction buyer and a source of amusement to the more seasoned online auction verterans.
If you have anything to add to this list, feel free to
and I will add your item(s) to the list.
Descriptions of Condition
Here is a list of the terms sometimes used by auction sellers to describe the condition of their items. See my page on Insulator Grading for the real and generally accepted condition definitions.
- Mint, except for...
- I was always under the impression that "mint" is "mint" -- i.e. perfect, unblemished, unopened, no chips, cracks, dings, fleabites, dogears or even dirt! No foxing, bloxxing or heehaws.
- Minty
- I have NO idea what this means... Perhaps broken and repaired using toothpaste?
- Near Mint Contition
- All except for that 1/2" chunk that is missing
- Near Mint (Take 2)
- If you place this item on your mantle and stand back 30 feet you'll hardly
see the crack down the back or the flea bites on the rim or the finger
paints my grandchild used on it to make it "more pretty".
- MIB
- Usually Mint in Box...but may mean - has a box with it that looks like it may or may not have come in...
- MIB (Take 2)
- "Maybe it's Broken" - We found this item still in the box and never took it
out to see if it works. The box is pretty ratty, so take your chances and
bid high!
- VNM
- Supposed to mean "Very Near Mint" but often seems to mean "Very Nearly Mangled"!
- Lots of Character
- It's scratched, dented, chipped and used, but some sucker will still buy it...
- Pre-Loved Condition
- A very nice way of saying it's been heavily played with and probably has broken or missing parts...
- Looks Great for Being xx Years Old
- I've seen better ones, but this one might sell...
- As Is
- Uh oh!
- As Is (Take 2)
- Don't come crying to me if it doesn't work.
- Untested
- No, I couldn't get it to work.
- Parts Only
- Usually means "Left-overs, take it or leave it"
- I have no batteries to test it.
- I'm too cheap to buy batteries.
- It looks complete, but I don't know if any parts are missing.
- Several parts are missing, but I don't want to say so. This way, I cover my butt.
- Found in a Box Lot
- This one's folded, creased, and sat upon.
- Like New
- Yeah, like it was new when I was 5 and hid it in the sump pump. We recently
had to pump the sump and found it again! It's really beautiful with a
wonderful patina!
- I Think it's Original
- Looks just like the real thing, so it must be! I didn't have it checked
because I figure if I tell you I don't know for sure you won't be able to
sue me when you find out that Tiffany didn't make saran wrap lampshades.
- Example from Online
- This is for several glass and 1 rubber telephone insulators. Some are cracked and some are burnt, but otherwise in good condition.
- Example from Online (Take 2)
- There was an antique ceramic figure of a girl on ebay. It had been broken at the knees and reglued, A part of one finger was missing and her hat was chipped in two places. But other than these minor faults it was in EXCELLENT condition.
Descriptions of Age and/or Rarity
Here is a list of the terms sometimes used by auction sellers to describe the age and/or rarity of their items.
- From an Estate
- I'm not saying this is old, but I want you to think this is old.
- Rare!!!
- I haven't bothered to look, or I'd have seen that there are 20 more of these up for sale at a tenth of my opening bid.
- Rare | One of a kind | Hard to find
- Well, I'm sorry, but I found this auction fairly easily, so it wasn't too
hard to find One of a kind? You're trying to sell an item with an original
production of 10,000,000! Rare? About the only thing I see that's rare is my
steak dinner.
- Really Hard to Find
- There are only three of these up for auction right now.
- Vintage
- I'm not sure what this means, but everyone else is using it, so I will, too!
- Vintage (Take 2)
- A seller was asked a question about their "vintage" glass item.
- The reply:
I don't how old the piece is. I got it at an estate sale from a very old lady. It must be old. But I don't know how old. Hope this helps.
- Belonged to my Great Grandmother
- Would you believe someone's great grandmother, okay, someones grandmother, okay a mother, oh alright, I bought it last year at Wal-mart and I will be a Great Grandmother someday.
- Out of Print - OOP
- A term meaning something that has not been seen on the reprint or re-recorded market. But, if it was at all popular, you can be assured of a re-issue in your lifetime.
- One of a Kind - OOAK
- There's only a couple of hundred just like it...
- Antique
- I saw one of these at my Grandmother's house so it must be old...
- Shabby Chic
- This describes any item that has lived in a basement and consequently has lost most of its paint and a leg but Rachel Ashwell has two of them in her hallway!
- Funky
- It was ugly and hideous when it was produced but it has been years since then and maybe you can be fooled into thinking it's in good taste because it's old
- Hurry and Bid or They'll All be Gone
- Yes, hurry and bid so I can put the others just like it on...
- Authentic
- I think this could actually be real thing or so much like it that no one will know...
Terms of Service and Other Fees
Here is a list of the terms sometimes used by auction sellers to describe the fees they will charge you and the and/or the conditions of sale they expect you to meet.
- Handling Fee
- I know I probably won't get anything for this stuff, so if you're dumb enough to bid I'll get you on the handling fee.
- PayPal Fee
- Heck, why should I pay the fees when I can just pass them on to you?
- Buyer's Premium
- You get the honour of buying this thing-of-a jig from me. And, with that honour, comes a price.
- All Sales Final
- If I get lucky enough to get rid of this thing-a-ma-jig I sure don't want it back for any reason and I'm keeping your money...
- Terms of Service
- Please be aware that you are bidding on something that may or may not be a piece of crap.
After the auction ends, I will begin to pester the winning bidder for payment. Payment due within 5 minutes of auctions end. You will get an email demanding payment every 3 seconds until payment is received. We accept Chinese Yen sent by carrier pigeon only.
No normal payment methods accepted.
After payment is received, I will take my sweet time shipping this to you, but it won't really matter because I will just toss it in an empty box held together by chewing gum and it will probably arrive in a million pieces. If you expect me to use bubble wrap or any other type of padding, you are loony.
We usually ship every blue moon, but don't count on it. On occasion, we have been known to ship the day after Secretary’s Day. If you want this insured, tough tooties. I am too lazy to fill out an insurance form. And another note, this item may or may not be in my possession at the present time, as my cousin Phil in Tucson just sent me the picture,
so I have no idea what it actually looks like. Feel free to ask any questions you want, though I probably won't answer them. Hey, I am too lazy to fill out an insurance form, you expect me to tire myself out answering questions?
One more note: You may receive a totally different item than the one that is listed here, because if cousin Phil can't send this to you, I will just throw something else in the box to send to you.
Happy Bidding!
Miscellaneous Things
Here are some odds and ends that didn't fit any of the other categories above.
- L@@K
- You are purchasing this item from a minor.
- Largish
- Just too lazy to measure it right now
- Hefty!
- It's gonna cost you a fortune for shipping
- Buy-It-Now (BIN) for $350.00
- Sure you can get this item from almost any other seller for $25, but I sell
these in my shop and know what they are worth! Don't be fooled by those
other auctions, they can't be as nice as mine! I have my own shop you know!
(do they sell that quote by P.T. Barnum?).
